Striking Out on Your Own: This may be one of the best times in your life to pursue some sort of self employment. While it may seem like the worst time, the fact is that self-employment can often meet many of your family's needs. While it's true that self employment is not for everyone, but if you have the skills to run a business from home, you can gain much of the flexibility you need to take care of your family. Take a look at some of the many avenues parents pursue for self employment. *Home based sales business - there are many "out of the box" home sales opportunities *Small independent business (in-home childcare, baking, cooking, sewing, cleaning services, lawn services) *Free lanceservices - writing, illustrating, graphic design, MIS services
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A true story: Only you can determine when the time is right. I've given a lot of very cautious advice. Now, I'll give you a true story from my own life. I was a single mom. I had never been married; at the age of 35 I adopted a baby from Russia. I had determined that I might never get married, but I really wanted a child. I was happy with my life as a single mom; but after about six months, I was ready to begin dating. I met a man online through a website for single parents. We talked on the phone for about two months before we agreed to meet in person. He was raising his son alone. We went out on our first date after two months of talking phone - but we took the kids out with us on our fourth date! We were married less than a year later. That was six years ago. My husband has adopted my son, and we had a daughter together. I have fallen completely in love with my stepson, and he still lives with us full time. We are proof that single parents can end up happily married and blend their lives successfully.
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Introduction: The Single Mom's Legacy You're embarking on a treacherous and rewarding journey - parenting alone. It's a difficult task - parenting even with a partner is difficult. But, it's also immensely rewarding to be a parent, whether you're doing it alone or with someone else. There are many things you'll do differently because you're parenting alone. That's ok. Take a look around you - there are families of all types out there - children will thrive wherever there is love, protection, nurturing and discipline. And, you can provide all of those things without a partner. The one piece of advice I want you to take with you above all other is - DON'T try to be Mom and Dad. You're only setting yourself up to fail. You're not their father and you can't replace their father. You should strive to be the best Mother you can be - that's all they ask. Single parents pass on a powerful legacy to their children; one of strength, perseverance and independence. The fact that you are rising to the challenge of raising your children alone will teach your children that they, too, can accomplish great things. Don't hide your head because you don't have a partner. Use your circumstances to teach your children that the power of one person is a great power, indeed. I'm not suggesting that you'll never need some help. That's part of what this book is about. In the following chapters, we'll talk about specific challenges that face single mothers and how to deal with them; including finding resources to help you with these challenges. This journey will be tough sometimes, but it will have great payoff. You can teach your children to grow into successful, happy and well rounded adults. So, let's get started!
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Are you entitled to assistance? It's important to know about, and take advantage of, the assistance to which you're entitled. For example, if your husband has just died, your children should receive a social security check each month until they turn 18. In addition, you should receive social security benefits as the parent caring for your deceased husband's child. There is other assistance to which you may be entitled, depending upon your income, even if you are not a widow. Benefits vary by state, but typically include, housing allotments, food stamps and reduced cost day care. Your school age child may also qualify for free or reduced cost school lunches as well as reduced cost health care insurance. Check with your state's Department of Social Services to find out what benefits are available in your state and what you qualify to receive. In addition, look at the assistance that may be available in your community. Local churches and civic organizations may have programs that benefit you. For example, some churches with day care and preschool programs offer scholarships. You may be able to get reduced cost day care for your child by qualifying for such a scholarship.
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Now you have a good list of your monthly income and expenses. I urge you to come up with two figures. The first is the amount you will have coming in each month without making any changes in your assets. This figure includes your salary, child support or alimony, financial assistance and any investment income you have coming in already. The second figure includes all of these amounts plus any extra income you could get by selling a second home, reducing your 401k contributions or moving around assets. Now, compare the first income figure to your monthly expenses. Is it enough? Don't forget to budget for those miscellaneous expenses like groceries, gas, etc. If your answer is no - see where you can reduce your expenses. Look at any expenses that could be considered frivolous; do you really use that gym membership? Can you afford to belong to a book club? Can you reduce your cable bill, or eliminate cable altogether? Can you reduce the amount you're saving each month for a while? Next, take a look at your second income figure. This is the amount you could be bringing in each month if you made some changes. You'll have to decide if the changes will bring the additional income you need and if you're willing to sacrifice the long term investment potential.
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Can you work all or part of your day from home? Telecommuting has become a very common practice. You might be able to eliminate after school care altogether by either working from home all day or by working from home in the late afternoon so that you are home with your children after school. Can you reduce your housing costs? Housing is usually the most expensive item in your monthly budget. Consider a move if it will significantly cut costs. Of course, there are other things to consider besides just the cost of your housing. You may want to ensure that you stay in the same school district, or that you are live close to your office.
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The Single Mother's 7 Day Program for Taking Control of Your Life

If single motherhood has just hit you right between the eyes, you may be completely overwhelmed and have no idea what to do next. Well, it's critical to take control of your life. You may have been relying on a spouse or partner, for many things. Now, however, you have only yourself to rely on - and you have a child or children to take care of, too. Don't despair - you can do this! You have an opportunity to make a good life for yourself and your children. Here's a seven day plan to get your life on track. DAY 1 - COME OUT OF THE FOG: There's a good chance that you've just experienced some significant loss. Maybe you've just experienced a divorce or the breakup of a long term relationship. Or maybe your spouse has died recently. Either of these situations can leave you feeling overwhelmed and unable to function. But, the time comes when we have to begin getting hold of our emotions and make some changes. Following are the five steps of grief that we all go through when we suffer a serious loss. Take stock and see where you are in the process. Knowing where you are and where you have to go can be beneficial in beginning to move on in your life. 1. Denial - At this stage, we tell ourselves that this really isn't happening. You believe that you cannot accept that this tragedy is really happening. 2. Anger - In this second step, we become angry over the situation. If you're going through a divorce, you'll likely become angrier than ever at your spouse. If you've suffered through the death of a spouse, you may become angry at your spouse for leaving you, though you know rationally that it was not their fault. 3. Bargaining - At this stage, you try to win back what you've lost. If your spouse died from an illness, and you knew it was coming, you may have done this before their death. 4. Depression - The fourth stage is depression. It is inevitable to feel some degree of depression with any significant loss in your life. This is a natural part of letting go of what you've lost, but that doesn't mean that you shouldn't seek help in dealing with the depression. 5. Acceptance - This is the final stage of grief. Once we reach this stage, we can begin to go on with our lives with an understanding and acceptance of what we've lost. Make a commitment to beginning your new life today. It doesn't matter that you've not totally let go of your old one yet. You have a child to raise. If you and your child are not already in counseling; consider this option. In many cases, a neutral professional can help you work through your emotions more quickly and completely. You owe it to yourself and your child to provide the resources to work through all of the pain, uncertainty and negative emotions you're feeling. Only when you've dealt with the pain can you move on and make the most of your new life.
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Avoiding the Temptation to Overindulge: One common problem that single mothers face is the temptation to overindulge their children out of guilt and worry about the fact that there's no father in their life. This temptation is often sub-conscious, but it's a pervasive problem with single parents, both men and women. Somehow, we feel that we can make up for the lack of a parent by providing material things. But, it doesn't work, and there are two things you have to realize. *Not having a father is a loss - No matter how you sugarcoat it, your child has a loss in his life if he doesn't have a father. You can't change that, and no amount of toys will make up for it. This doesn't mean that your child can't be happy and well adjusted. We all suffer loss, and we can overcome it and lead happy and successful lives. But, you have to realize that you can't take away this loss. *You're creating an unhealthy dependence on "things" - Overindulging your child can make them put an abnormal importance on material items. When children begin to value things more than people, their life is forever skewed- and they will live in pursuit of more and better things in their lives. This is a hole that can never be filled. Give your children an over abundance of love and an empathy toward other people. Teach them to earn their material things; they'll be much prouder of them. We all want to give our children the best that we can, but we have to know where to draw the line when it comes to material things. Take a hard look at your attitude and your actions in this regard. The values and ethics of your children depend on it.
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When You're Ready to Get Back Into Dating Many single parents believe that they'll never be able to find the time to begin dating again. Plus, they often feel that even if they did find the time for dating, it's not likely that a man would be interested in a woman with children. But, the world has definitely changed. With 60% of marriages today ending in divorce and more and more women choosing to have children alone; single parents abound, so there are plenty of men who are more than happy to date a woman with children. In fact, it's quite likely that one or more of your suitors will be single parents. You may also be concerned about how you'll be able to meet men. Well, there are plenty of places to meet men, and it doesn't require hours at the local singles bars with your girlfriends. You can meet single men in a wide variety of places- places you're already going. Let's take a look at some of the most common places to meet potential dates. *Your Child's School - Take a look around for dads who come alone to school functions or who are always the ones to pick up their kids. Particularly if you see a dad who always picks up on alternate Friday's, he's likely divorced. It will be easy to strike up a conversation with such a man; the two of you immediately have something in common. *Church - If you attend church regularly, you'll find that it offers a great opportunity to meet single men of your faith. If your church has a singles Sunday school class or organization, so much the better. Take every opportunity to attend social functions and meet people at church. You'll likely be able to meet some male and female friends. *Work - A large number of today's married couples met at work. You must be cautious about dating at work. First, be sure that your company doesn't have a policy that prohibits coworker dating. Secondly, don't even think about dating your boss or someone who reports to you. And thirdly, it's wise not to date someone with whom you work closely. Before you jump in, you should consider how awkward the situation at work might be if you date for a while, but then it doesn't work out. *Out and About - Keep a smile on your face as you're out and about. If you look friendly and approachable, you'll find it easier to strike up conversations with people. *Friend Fix-ups - No doubt you've got some friends who are dying to fix you up with someone. Take them up on it! What have you got to lose? I've known quite a few marriages that resulted from blind dates set up by mutual friends.
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Choosing a Place to Rent: If you're not ready to consider buying a home, you'll need to find a place to rent. You can choose from apartment complexes, which often have amenities that appeal to children, or a rental house or townhome. When you choose a rental house or townhome, you'll often be renting from an individual, which can be a good thing. Often, when renting from an individual, you'll find more flexibility in decorating, moving in and out dates, etc. Just be sure that everything is spelled out clearly in a lease agreement. Be certain that you understand exactly what you're responsible for paying; ie, will you pay the city utility bill or is that paid by the property owner? Be certain that you know any upkeep you're expected to provide (who mows the lawn?).
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