Some of the benefits to advancing your education include: *Higher earning potential *More potential for promotion *Ease of finding a new job *Personal sense of accomplishment *Setting a good example for your children *Personal fulfilment from pursuing an area of interest *Can help you change careers
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2 How single parenting is different: I know, this seems pretty obvious. Single parenting is different because there's only one of you. But, it goes deeper than that. There are many things that you'll need to be prepared for as you parent alone. How You View Your Status: Your own feelings about being single will have a powerful impact on how you handle your new challenge. I encourage you to sit down and make the ever popular "pros and cons" list about your status as a single parent. It's important to understand and acknowledge the things about being a single parent that you're fearful of and that you just plain don't like. Spend some time considering how you'll deal with the things that will be difficult, like not having someone else to help with homework, household chores and making parenting decisions. Once you've given some thought to how you'll handle the "cons" on your list and you've acknowledged the parts of single parenting that you don't relish, take a stab at that "pros" list. No one to disagree with about how to handle a situation. Having your kids all to yourself. Revel in the good aspects of being a single mother. Your outlook on your status will project onto others - especially your children. If you're ashamed of being a single parent, if you believe that you lack the skills to do the job, if you're resentful of having to parent alone -other people, including your children will pick up on that. Other parents may judge you as less competent simply because of the negative vibe you give off. Your children may feel apprehensive because of your attitude. On the other hand, if you are confident about your abilities and comfortable - even happy - with being a single mom, this attitude will radiate. You'll immediately appear to be a more confident and competent parent. Dwell on the idea of being a mother - not on the challenge of doing it alone. Your positive attitude will make other parents respect you and make your children secure in the knowledge that they're well taken care of.
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If You've Been Awarded Child Support, But He's Not Paying: Contact your state's Department of Social Services. In many cases, your ex's child support payments can be automatically deducted from his pay check by the state if he's a habitual non-payer. The Department of Social Services has an entire division dedicated to child support collection in most states. Money can create a lot of stress; especially when there isn't enough of it. One of the most important things you can do to make life easier is to work out your employment and financial situation. Look for creative alternatives, like a side business for extra cash or job sharing for more time at home with your kids. Don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it. There are all sorts of assistance programs aimed at helping single mothers provide for their children adequately.
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So, what do you do if the amount coming in each month is significantly less than you need to make ends meet? Here are some options for increasing your income. *Can you work more hours? If you're currently not working, or working part time, can you increase the number of hours you work? *Can you find a higher paying job? *Can you start a sideline business to bring in extra income? *Do you qualify for additional assistance? If you can't see a way to increase your income, you may have to make some significant lifestyle changes to reduce your expenses. Consider moving into less expensive housing or buying a less expensive car.
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When You're Ready to Get Back Into Dating Many single parents believe that they'll never be able to find the time to begin dating again. Plus, they often feel that even if they did find the time for dating, it's not likely that a man would be interested in a woman with children. But, the world has definitely changed. With 60% of marriages today ending in divorce and more and more women choosing to have children alone; single parents abound, so there are plenty of men who are more than happy to date a woman with children. In fact, it's quite likely that one or more of your suitors will be single parents. You may also be concerned about how you'll be able to meet men. Well, there are plenty of places to meet men, and it doesn't require hours at the local singles bars with your girlfriends. You can meet single men in a wide variety of places- places you're already going. Let's take a look at some of the most common places to meet potential dates. *Your Child's School - Take a look around for dads who come alone to school functions or who are always the ones to pick up their kids. Particularly if you see a dad who always picks up on alternate Friday's, he's likely divorced. It will be easy to strike up a conversation with such a man; the two of you immediately have something in common. *Church - If you attend church regularly, you'll find that it offers a great opportunity to meet single men of your faith. If your church has a singles Sunday school class or organization, so much the better. Take every opportunity to attend social functions and meet people at church. You'll likely be able to meet some male and female friends. *Work - A large number of today's married couples met at work. You must be cautious about dating at work. First, be sure that your company doesn't have a policy that prohibits coworker dating. Secondly, don't even think about dating your boss or someone who reports to you. And thirdly, it's wise not to date someone with whom you work closely. Before you jump in, you should consider how awkward the situation at work might be if you date for a while, but then it doesn't work out. *Out and About - Keep a smile on your face as you're out and about. If you look friendly and approachable, you'll find it easier to strike up conversations with people. *Friend Fix-ups - No doubt you've got some friends who are dying to fix you up with someone. Take them up on it! What have you got to lose? I've known quite a few marriages that resulted from blind dates set up by mutual friends.
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Living with the Workload: One of the significant challenges of being a single parent is the sheer volume of work involved, particularly if you have more than one child. First of all, you're probably working a full time job. Then, you have your parenting role. It's important to spend those evenings helping with homework, being involved in your child's activities and just spending time as a family. Then, there's a home to take care of and meals to cook. It can be exhausting and overwhelming. Take some time to look for shortcuts that will help you have more time and do less work. Gather some recipes for easy meals, and organize your household duties so that you can do just a few minutes of housework each day. Get the children involved - there are many household chores that children can take on. Not only are you getting help in the house, but you're teaching responsibility at the same time. Don't underestimate or undervalue the work you're doing. And, do your best not to get burned out. Take regular vacations from work (even if your financial situation doesn't allow you to go anywhere) and spend part of your weekends just chilling out with the kids. When you're a single parent, there can be so much work to do that you can forget to take time to just relax and enjoy each other. Make it a point to have some fun with your children on a regular basis - you need the break and so do they!
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DAY 2 - GET OUT THE BILLS: In order to get control of your life, it's critical to understand your financial situation. Particularly if your partner handled the finances in the past, you need to get a good handle on things for yourself. Here are some things you should look at. *Your mortgage or rent - If you own your home, how much do you owe on the mortgage? What is the monthly payment? Do you have a home equity line? If you're renting, how much is your rent payment? How much longer do you have on your lease? *Your car- How much do you owe on your car? How much is the monthly payment? When will it be paid off? How much are insurance payments? Do you pay insurance monthly? *Utilities - How much are your utilities on an average month? Be sure to include water and sewer, garbage collection, gas, phone, electric and cable. *Child Care - Are you currently paying for child care? If so, how much does your monthly childcare cost? *Credit Cards - How much do you own in credit card debt? If you add up your minimum monthly payments on each card, how much will you spend each month paying credit cards? *Other bills - Do you have other expenses? Look out for other loans or regular monthly expenses you may not have thought of. This can include gym memberships, book clubs, etc. It can be helpful to make a note of any expenses that you consider unnecessary. *Savings - Are you accustomed to putting a regular amount in savings each month? If so, figure this into your monthly expenses. Tally it all up. These are your basic expenses for the month. Keep in mind that this doesn't include miscellaneous expenses like groceries, gas, and spending money. If you have an idea of how much you spend in these areas make a note of it. You'll need to know all of your expenses in order to figure out your total financial picture.
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1 Adjusting to Life as a single mother: Accepting how you got here- There are nearly as many ways to wind up a single parent as there are single parents out there. Some of you are single parents by choice; you've given birth to or adopted a child on your own. You are probably more prepared for this than some of the other single moms out there, because you entered into this state willingly. Others are single parents because your husband or partner has died. You will need to take special care of yourself and your children for awhile, because you may not have been prepared to be alone, and you certainly did not choose to be parenting alone. Your children are dealing with grief and missing their father, and you are missing your partner. Healing takes time and you must give your whole family the time they need to adjust to your new circumstances. Most of you are here through divorce or the break up of a long term relationship. Your children's father may or may not be involved in their lives, and he may or may not help support them financially. But, certainly, you have realized that the bulk of the child rearing falls to you. You may need to negotiate with your children's father about the role he will - and will not- play in their lives. You may have to decide whether it's even appropriate for him to be involved, depending upon your circumstances. So, regardless of how you became a single mother, you have a lot on your plate. You'll have many decisions ahead about your child's welfare, and you'll have to make them alone, for the most part. And, you may be resentful that you're suddenly in this parenting thing alone; if that's not how you intended it to be. But, you can't change the past. It's time to live in the present and make a great life for you and your child(ren). You can do it - you can thrive at it, in fact! Let go of the past and any negative feelings you have about becoming a single parent and get on with it. One thing you should always remember when you feel down - you'll get a lot of respect from a lot of people for raising children alone. Anyone who's been a parent knows that it's not easy, whether you're part of a couple or doing it on your own. And, most people will respect you for the hard work you're doing. And, a few years from now, the people who will respect you the most are those children you're raising.
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Make Peace with The Ex: You may be surprised to hear that this is an important part of loving your single life; but it can make all the difference in the world. Carrying around anger and resentment toward anyone makes your life unhappy. Even if all the anger toward your ex is well deserved; at some point you're only hurting yourself by carrying it around. Choose to forgive your ex - so that you can move on with your life. You'll feel like a big weight has been lifted off your shoulders, and you'll be setting a powerful example of forgiveness for your children.
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Finding the Right Job: You may have just determined that you need to get a job, or that you need to get a new job. If so, don't despair. Companies today are more family friendly than ever. It may take some time, but you should be able to find employment that can support your family financially and be flexible about your family life. Search for Jobs at Family Friendly Companies: It's time to do some research. Many large companies take pride in being considered family friendly. Find out which companies in your area offer flex time, reasonable hours - even on site day care. Keep these companies in the forefront of your job search if there's a possibility that they'll have employment for you.
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